Life Can Change in an Instant… Be Grateful for Where You Are Right Now

It’s been a month since I left the Bay Area of Northern California, the place I called home the last 7 years. Driving out of San Francisco I knew I likely wouldn’t be back for at least a few months and was perfectly ok with that. I was finally ready. Making it to San Diego (about an 8+ hour drive) before 3pm was a good sign that I was on the right path, nothing in my way. I felt good about everything. “Let the adventure begin” I thought to myself. Unfortunately that was all about to change.

After hanging with my sister all day, we were both tired. She turned in but I wanted to check a few things before doing the same. Opening Facebook I saw a post that made my stomach drop. It was a Rest In Peace post about a guy I had previously dated and remained close friends with. “There’s no way” I thought. In utter disbelief, I needed confirmation. I called our mutual friend who sadly confirmed my fear. “Jordy passed away” is all I can remember him saying in that conversation, the rest simply blurred as my brain tried to process the fact he was gone.

Hans “Jordy” Strong was 30 years old. He lived his life to the fullest right up until the end. Our relationship isn’t easy to define or even explain, it was a close friendship, we were both there for each other during a weird period of time where we were both going through some heavy shit. He’s a person that no matter what I could always talk to and feel better about whatever it was that was bothering me. His energy and light were like no one else’s and I am absolutely devastated that he is gone. He was someone I bounced ideas off of about the van throughout most of the process, it had never occurred to me that he wouldn’t be around to see how my journey unfolds.

Things were crazy the last few weeks before leaving, I knew if I didn’t see him at my going away party that I’d talk to him while I was on the road. My heart is broken knowing I’ll never get that chance. This is something I wanted to share with him, even if it was just a phone call telling him about life on the road. The last time I saw him was in September at another friends going away party. We caught up as we hadn’t seen each other in a while and I remember telling him how I need to go home to Wisconsin and he quickly asked, “Well don’t you want to go home?” which I did. I kept saying need but he kept reminding me to change it and say want, to match how I actually felt. It was little things like that he did or said with minimal effort that I will miss the most. I’m grateful for our time together, precious memories and a connection I’ll miss dearly.

His service wasn’t for a couple weeks. I’d made plans to be back in Wisconsin by then and battled with what to do. It came down to the fact that I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t go to his service. I wanted to give his parents a hug and pay my respects to him as well as them. I wanted and needed to be with other people that cared about him, that were grieving the huge loss we all had just endured. It was SO hard. Still in disbelief he was gone, battling with accepting the fact that he is. Seeing his friends and loved ones, knowing how much they were suffering by his loss, my heart could barely take it. He made such an impact on so many peoples lives in his 30 years here on earth!

The service was absolutely beautiful, filled with stories told by his mom, fiancé, siblings and friends. It was standing room only well before the service even began, so many there to pay their respects. So many stories told of how he could make friends with anyone among many other great stories and moments he’d shared throughout his life. He was simply put one of a kind. Something I witnessed time and time again. No one we ran into didn’t light up when they saw him. It was something I was in awe of. He was so at ease with talking to anyone no matter where we were. I am forever grateful for the time I got to spend with him as well as everything I learned from him and about myself during our time together.

So here I am back in the grief cycle. Not that I’d ever left it following my Dad’s death in March 2018 but I had at least gotten used to him being gone. My intention for starting my van life journey was to go back to Wisconsin and face a lot of things I’d ran away from when I originally left, as well as flip some negative of where I came from into positive. Having not been home since my Dad’s funeral I knew it’d already be heavy, but now to add Jordy passing away seemed unreal. It just wasn’t how I planned to start this journey, but thus is life and I eventually adapted to my new surreal reality.

My drive from Healdsburg to Wisconsin was long and filled with many tears, pleas and cries asking why he was gone. I played a lot of classic rock, something Jordy and I bonded over in our time together. His Dad is 86 years old so Jordy grew up listening to a wide variety of older music appreciated by his dad. He loved the Doobie Brothers, Bob Segar, Steely Dan and so many others. My favorite memory is us spending an entire afternoon rummaging through every bin for records at a thrift shop in Healdsburg.  We’d compete over who found the best one as well as give up ones we didn’t want but knew the other would enjoy. He scored “Deja Vu” by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, an album I eventually found at a flea market, but one I was unbelievably jealous he had found before me on that day. To this day it is still one of my favorite records and albums of all time. A memory I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

Being home in Wisconsin has been good. There are so many things when describing where I come from that I’ve described in a negative tone over the years. This trip home I truly have been able to flip those things into positive. I’m not really sure why I had viewed everything in such a negative light, but I’m working hard at shifting my perspective and being grateful for how and where I was raised. Running into so many people that have been a part of my life in one way or another, remembering the simple times, or the complex times and seeing how far I’ve come. Previous relationships and heartaches that at the time I thought I’d never be over or through,  realizing now I haven’t thought about some of them in a decade or more. It’s crazy to look back and see how far I have come. Especially knowing I’m starting a new and exciting chapter in my life and can’t wait to see where it takes me.

If I’ve learned anything these last few years, it’s that life is precious and short. That I want to make the most of it while I’m here. This is a great reminder to us all that none of us are invincible, that anything can happen in an instant, so we all need to make ourselves happy and live each day with gratitude that we are even alive. Be grateful for the experiences we have and the memories we make each and every day. Today I am grateful for all that I have, I consider myself very lucky and blessed to be in the position I currently am. The freedom to quit my job and explore the world and look deep into myself to seek out what it is I truly want. I encourage you all to do the same in whatever way you can.

To Jordy, I miss you, I always will. Your mischievous grin, raspy voice, and childish giggle along with your overall presence and energy will be unmatched. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I’ll never forget you or our precious time together.