Last weekend I made my annual pilgrimage to Sedona, Arizona. Sedona is a sacred place to me, symbolic of so many things. It’s where I started to see things for what they are instead of what I want them to be. It felt so good to be back. I remember last year when I went, everything was still so raw and fresh from the year before, but this time it felt different. When I went back this year I felt things, but it was more of just a knowing that I am in the right place in my life right now. I’m not searching for answers, more so just a validation that what I’m feeling is on track with where I’m heading.
The last few months have been intense! Really the last few years have been, but I feel like it has all come together for me in the last few months. I was able to heal parts of myself that I wasn’t sure possible. I feel so much lighter, my back pain has decreased substantially, I have this calm feeling and knowing that I’m simply where I’m supposed to be as well as headed in the right direction. Getting to this point has not been easy. In fact, it’s been the hardest years of my life hands down. Unlearning bad habits, reteaching my brain how to process and receive information, observing myself and others without judgement, SO much observing!!! I feel like I’ve been silently watching myself and others, just taking mental notes of how things make me feel, how I react, what comes up in those moments and where that may stem from. This is a practice I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I’ve learned so many things by simply observing. It’s been isolating. It’s been hard. It’s been amazing to watch myself learn and grow. It’s been lonely, especially when trying to explain to others that simply don’t get it, but so rewarding when explaining to those who do. I am in search of my people, my community of those who get it and are on similar paths.
I met back up with Lisa while I was in Sedona. Lisa did a reading with me when I went on my retreat with Sedona Soul Adventures a couple years ago. (Go to my HOME page for info on my previous experience with Lisa) I had tried to connect with her last year when I was there, but she was out of town. This year however, it was easy to reconnect with her, which was validating to me. Any time something is easy or just works out without much effort, I’ve come to realize that it is meant for me to experience. I always use to control things and push too hard because I had it in my head that I had control and I could make things happen. Wrong! Since relinquishing control, things simply work or they don’t and I don’t fight it anymore. Well, most of the time anyways, I’m still human.
Pulling up to Lisa’s house I could remember how nervous I was the first time visiting. Really not having a clue of what was about to happen. Lisa and I didn’t even discuss what kind of reading it would be this time around, I simply booked her and she said she had plenty in her spiritual chest to pull from. I loved this, it wasn’t anything specific, she’d just listen to what spirit was telling her and relay that to me. My 1st reading with her was extremely profound. She helped get me in touch with my own intuition which absolutely changed my life! I had always had a great “gut-instinct” but wasn’t really in touch with it. Since my last reading a couple years ago, I am beyond in touch with my intuition. Through meditation, yoga, crystals, oracle cards, journaling, etc I am extremely sensitive to energy and my intuition is validated multiple times a day. It’s one of my favorite things and I am so grateful.
So this time around we caught up on what has happened since I left Sedona 2 years ago and then got started with what is next for me. The overall reading was validating in what I have been feeling for a while now. Lisa said “there is going to be a transitional point of stepping back from your career, of you getting out of your comfort zone. ” This definitely resonated with me! I have changed literally everything in my life since leaving Sedona 2 years ago, except for my career. After leaving the 1st time I started my current job which has been great. It was a big change from PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) which I had done for the majority of my career up until that point. Now it’s time for another HUGE change. Leaving bedside nursing altogether. I’ve been feeling pulled to do this for some time, but fear of the unknown and fear of leaving my safety net, has kept me from actually pulling the trigger. I feel this is starting to change as I’m finally feeling ready. I am so grateful to have the experience I do and know that even after a break from nursing, I will be able to find a job quickly and easily. So why not bet on myself and try something new? I know what my current life looks and feels like and I can always come back to it!
After the reading I took a Yoga Nidra and Sound Healing class at Awakenings Yoga Studio, a studio my friend Lynne and I found last year when visiting. Mallie is the instructor and does such a wonderful job walking us through Yoga Nidra and then creating amazing, healing vibrations with the gongs and crystal singing bowls. It was exactly what I needed! I had planned on hiking and being outside as much as possible while in Sedona, but due to poor weather and my borderline exhaustion, I ended up inside most of the time. I napped 2 of the days I was there, did yoga, sat in quiet, journaled, visited the Stupa/Peace Park, and just listened to myself and what I needed. I was completely present, and it was AMAZING!!! I really needed this trip, it gave me so much!
While driving back to Phoenix I felt a surge of emotion, a final release of so many things. My interpretation is of things that have finally been healed. Another thing in my reading discussed was my past relationship. Lisa told me I was meant to take a long time to get over him as those were priceless lessons I needed to learn. She did validate that I have healed those wounds and am ready to move on completely. Something I already knew, but still always nice to be validated. She also mentioned that “somebody is right around the corner” and that I’ll meet him most likely in October-November and that it’ll be quick. That I’ll have a baby girl within the next year of meeting him. This information made my palms sweat and heart race. What?!?! I’m not ready for a baby, HOLY CRAP!!! I’m taking it all with a grain of salt and simply trusting that the universe knows best. Time will tell, but damn, I don’t have much time, so I best make the most of it!
So another year gone by and another trip to Sedona complete. I have refilled my cup. I have validated feelings and clarified thoughts simply by giving myself the time and space to do so. It really is amazing to me what we can figure out if we simply just try. I don’t think I’d even recognize the Amanda that went to Sedona for the first time just 2 years ago. I am so grateful for all the support and encouragement I’ve received along the way and can’t wait to see what the future holds. Until next year….
Mindfully Authentic 