What a journey! I know ‘journey’ is a hot word right now, but there really isn’t a better word out there to describe the last few months! My goals this year were to get my mind and body healthy so I set out to do a 200 hour yoga teacher training. I started January 6th and completed it yesterday. 4 days a week for 3 months. I still can’t believe its over and even more that I didn’t quit. I wanted to so badly, so many times. Yesterday when I received my certificate a fellow classmate said how she was inspired by the fact that I kept showing up even when she knew how challenging it was for me at times. It meant so much to me that she even noticed that and it reminded me of how much I showed up for myself throughout this training. Something I’ve struggled with doing for as long as I can remember. This year, my goal was to change that, it was time to show up!
I chose yoga garden for many reasons. Firstly, it is an alignment based vinyasa flow which I knew would be beneficial to me and my body as well as something I felt at the time I wanted to teach. Second, the schedule worked, I knew the neighborhood, and its a reputable yoga school that does many teacher trainings and workshops. Thirdly, it was in my old neighborhood. The neighborhood where my ex and I spent much of our time together. A place I had avoided greatly due to that fact. By facing it 4 days a week for 3 months I knew I’d get past or at least sort through those feelings. Which, praise the lord, I absolutely have!!! So teacher training was really just the outline and structure, but there were so many other things I inteded for this time. It was my time. My time to reconnect with myself, reconnect with my body, and release the things within my body that no longer suited me. I’ve always attributed some of my back pain to stuck emotions and feelings. Throughout this training I hoped to finally release as much of that as I could.
By the end of last year I was waking up in pain every day. Low back pain at about a 4-5/10, having to take CBD or ibuprofen just to get through the day and my shift at work. As of now my pain is at about a 1-2 which is incredible. I feel so much stronger and know it’s because I took the time to learn each pose and really engage the necessary muscles, learn proper alignment and slowly build strength to support my low back and pelvis. I still have a long way to go, but relieving pain is motivation to keep practicing. My body longs for practice if it’s been a couple days so I’m hoping I can continue as regularly now that training is complete.
Another intenion I set for training was to abstain from alcohol. I didn’t want anything to take away from the experience and simply wanted to dive as deep as I could. I find that even if I only have one glass of wine that I am able to escape easier. Whereas if it’s not an option, then I just adapt. 3 months dry is the longest I’ve gone since before I started drinking. It was important to prove to myself that it was something I could do. I was quiet about it at first, telling everyone I was doing a dry January which once I completed that and saw how I felt, I forged on. I’m actually surprised how easy it was to complete the 3 months and it was that much sweeter to share a celebratory glass of champagne with my classmates yesterday. Celebrating not only completing the teacher training, but 3 months dry, and seeing how far I’d come mentally and physically since the start of the training.
These last 3 months I have grown and changed in so many waya, resisted and released so many things I’ve held onto for so long. I have observed differnt triggers, patterns, and states of discomfort. By observing them and not judging them I can notice where they may stem from and dive deeper into that and simply accept where I am at right now. In doing so I have reconnected with happiness and joy. Feelings that have been missing from my life far too long. The last couple years have been such a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. Some days wondering how I was going to make it through, but somehow always managed to. Teacher training was similar. I remember looking at the syllabus and thinking “how the hell am I going to do all of this”? Yet somehow now that I have, it doesn’t seem as unattainable as it once was. Everything is impermanent, especially discomfort. And some of my practice teaches, especially my 60 minute teach, was mighty uncomfortable. But I got through it, we all did. It just goes to show how rewarding it can be when we face our fears and discomforts. The benefits far outweigh the many levels of feelings of discomfort, and those moments pass far quicker than the joyful and fulfilling ones!
So I have my certification, now what? I have absolutely no desire to teach, at least for now. Honestly, I just want to practice more yoga. I want to take classes at different studios from different teachers and broaden my horizons with my newfound knowledge. I want to go to class without having to pick apart each sequence or come up with one. I want to take it all in, one class at a time and continue to build upon my practice. For anyone out there thinking of doing a training, as hard as it was, I have no regrets and I’m sure it won’t be the last training or workshop I take. If I’ve learned anything, its to show up for yourself. No one is going to show up for you as much as you will and it feels damn good when you do!
Namaste y’all
Mindfully Authentic 