Wanderlust

A couple weeks ago I attended Wanderlust Festival in Whislter, British Columbia, Canada.  One of my friends from my Bali yoga retreat had gone the year prior and asked back in February if I wanted to go.  At the time my dad had just had a stroke and I desperately needed something to look forward to in order to make it through each day.  I figured by August things would be in a better place so I could commit and I am so happy I did! What an incredible, soul filling experience!

Leading up to Wanderlust, I did a “dry July” so no alcohol for a month.  I wanted to make sure my head was really clear going into it.  I’ve done a “dry” month before and it’s really not that hard, challenging at times breaking habits, but the benefit is so amazing.  Week one it’s just adapting to not letting yourself have a drink to unwind or when you’re stressed.  Week two you feel good and are proud of yourself for making it this far.  Week 3 you can start to see changes in your body and you really start to just feel good, but also a little antsy.  My week 3 I was in a couple situations where a drink really would’ve taken the edge off and helped in ways that only numbing can.  By sticking to my goal of an entire month I had to sit with feeling uncomfortable and antsy and was able to observe myself and my reactions to that. This was the good stuff and where I really learned things.  Week 4 was the home stretch and once I completed my dry month I decided I was feeling so good I didn’t even want to have a drink.  I landed in Vancouver August 1st and could’ve celebrated with a drink, but was feeling so good I just didn’t want one.  I spent the weekend drinking San Peligrino and didn’t feel like I was missing anything by not partaking of the adult beverage.  In fact I felt my channels were open and ready to receive all I needed from the different therapies over the weekend and I was doing so much each day,  I really didn’t want to risk being hungover in any way.

My first class was with the imcomparable Gina Caputo (@yoginiontheloose) who I first met as my yoga instructor for my Soulrocker retreat in Bali.  She greeted us with hugs and gratitude and we were all able to catch up a bit before class.  We started in a lying on our back position and upon doing so I felt overcome with emotion.  To be in Gina’s class again with my friends by my side, the same friends I’d met in Bali only 7 months earlier was very emotional.  I reflected back on where I was at when I was in Bali and how far I’ve come since then.  I was grateful.  I am grateful.  Being on the mat listening to some of the same music and hearing Gina’s voice guide us through our yoga practice took me right back to Bali and up until this point I hadn’t realilzed how much I needed that.

Since Bali, so much has happenned.  Good, bad, hard, fun, easy, challenging, exhausting, basically all the things.  Upon coming home from Bali I wasn’t able to basque in my Bali high, I was catapulted back into reality of the worse kind.  My dad had a stroke within a couple days of my return which then consumed mine as well as my family’s lives for the next 6 weeks until his passing.  So when I was lying on my mat and transported back to Bali I looked at it as a reset to finally let myself basque in by bliss.  My channels were open to receive all I needed to and that was the intention I set for the weekend.

For anyone that has never heard of or been to Wanderlust, it is a yoga retreat along with many mindful therapies that has a wide variety of classes that you can take over 1-4 days depdening on the location.  It started in Squaw valley in Lake Tahoe, but is now all over the US.  There are hikes, music, meditation, sound baths, breathwork sessions, lectures on health and mindfulness, introductory classes, advanced classes, high level fitness classes, you name it, it’s offerred.  So the wonderful thing is that you can go with friends but everyone can have an individual experience curtailed to their needs all in the same place.  I was able to take some of my soul ignitors and mold them together into 3 amazing days and then share my experiences with my friends as well as listen to theirs.  It felt like an individual retreat but I never felt alone.  I chose yoga, nature, and music themed classes mixed with relaxation, meditation, and a breathwork session that I knew would challenge me.

Friday was everything I wanted it to be. Yoga, hike, soundbath.  I couldn’t have planned it better.  Saturday was not.  I woke up tired and if I’m being honest I think I was having major anxiety about my last therapy session on Saturday, holotropic breathwork.  My first class was another Gina class and I left feeling great and empowered as we did some amazing things in her class.  After that class I took one that I thought was basically an hour of teaching foam rolling techniques with ‘Rad’ products which I had heard amazing things about.  I must have read it wrong because it was basically another yoga class with a little rolling out.  I was already exhausted and now I’d have to power through another yoga class when really I just wanted to learn techniques on how to take care of my body when it is tired and sore.  This spiraled me into another level of irritability.  With this came the inevitable beating myself up for feeling irritated while in a place where I am supposed to be blissing out and feeling nothing but amazing.  That continued throughout the rest of the day, all the while I’m pretty sure it was because I was nervous about what would come up in breathwork.  It’s funny how even knowing where my irritability stems from, I still wasn’t able to shake it.  Sometimes just accepting how we truly feel about stuff is hard and being completely present even harder.

My last breathwork session prior to this was extremely powerful and I hadn’t done one since. (If you want to read about it go to ‘Breathwork and The Desire Map’ previous blog entry) I was nervous to go that deep again and not sure I was ready which is exactly how I knew I needed to go, so of course I went.  To be honest, it wasn’t what I thought it would be.  I was a little discouraged in the way the teacher presented it.  I wasn’t new to breathwork but I do like to be reminded and led in the breathing technique which she failed to go over.  I felt like I was on my own and I also knew that if I wasn’t led, I wouldn’t take myself there.  Well I was right, I didn’t take myself there.  I layed there listening to the loud music, a key in breathwork sessions, and breathing fast and hard, but just couldn’t let myself go.  When doing breathwork I cannot turn my nurse brain off and all I can think of is that I am hyperventalating and driving up my CO2 levels which thus gives you a euphoric and out of body sense, but is really really bad for your brain.  I couldn’t let go of this.  I’ve done 2 other breathwork sessions.  The first one in Sedona which was really outside my comfort zone and I didn’t really like the person who led me.  The second was amazing, I connected with the person who led and felt really safe during.  That was an incredible and profound session.  With this I didn’t feel supported which I’ve learned is something I need when doing breathwork.  I may not have gone as deep as I’d have liked, but I was able to observe myself and my reactions and know now what works for me and what doesn’t.  It definitley wasn’t for nothing and I still did have a good meditation along with some good breathing.

Once that session was done I felt relief, relief that it was over and the rest of my classes were just fun or informative and I could just enjoy them.  I ended up having a really nice dinner with my friend and roommate for the weekend Lisa.  We planned on sushi, but the sushi place was a 40 minute wait so we wandered to other restaurants to see if anything else looked good.  We found a nice place that could seat us right away and settled in.  I love it when that happens, it’s the universes way of telling us we’re in the right place, or so I choose to think anyways.  I finally felt like drinking.  One thing I love is really good food paired with a nice glass of wine.  I felt like I had more than earned that experience and as hard as it was to end my dry month, it finally felt like the right time.  Lisa and I shared a delicious meal along with a perfect bottle of Pinot from Santa Barbara.  It was the perfect way to end my dry month as well as a great way to spend our Saturday night. Food, wine, converstation, connection… some of my absolute favorite things!

Sunday was a really busy morning with 3 classes packed together, checking out of the hotel in the middle of them as well as making our shuttle back to the airport very soon after.  The morning started with a music and meditation hike out to a spot near a raging river where Garth Stevenson (@garthstevenson on instagram) played his bass amongst us in nature.  It was such a peaceful way to start my last day in Whistler.  After that I did an introductory Aireal (@airealyoga on instagram) yoga class using a silk hammock as a prop while doing yoga.  It was the most peaceful savasanna I’ve ever had, I felt like I was wrapped in a giant hug amongst a raging river along with sounds of nature and peaceful bass heavy music.  It was pure magic!  My last class was 4 keys to Authenticity with Gary Zukav and Linda Francis, founders of The Seat of The Soul institute.  This was my most informative class of the weekend!  (See Blog entry 4 Keys to Authenticity for more information)

Upon completion of the weekend and rushing to grab one last souvenir before meeting our shuttle, I tried to take it all in.  Whistler is nestled into a huge ski resort with many shops, restaurants, hotels, etc with these magestic snow peaked mountains in the background.  The skies changed minute to minute it seemed.  Upon arriving on thursday the skies were dark and gloomy with strands of light struggling to get through, but by the last day the skies were bright blue with picturesque cloud formations.  I looked at the weather as a reminder that although some days can be gloomy, we eventually get to the blue skies, and then it circles around again.  I was leaving with blue skies and a blissed out and soothed soul.  Taking all I’d learned, as well as observed how I felt in my body while learning all the wonderful things that Wanderlust had taught me.

Wanderlust’s mission is to help you find your true north-to cultivate your best self which I absolutely love.  I feel as though I have been trying to do just that for a while now and it was so wonderful to have a weekend dedicated to do just that.  Not all who wander are lost…. For in wandering are the true lessons that show you the way… if you’re open to it!