I was first introduced to The Power of Now by Michelle D’Avella’s podcast. The way she talked about it was so black and white. The past and the future no longer exist, if anything happens, it happens in the now. I was dumbfounded by this. I’ve lived my life beating myself up about the past or becoming a ball of anxiety preparing for or analyzing the future. Am I even capable of living in the now?
So I downloaded it on my kindle and started reading it. I made it a point to not read when I was tired as I really wanted to take in each and every page. There is so much knowledge in this book, yet it is extremely simple. Live in the now, be present. Well that’s easy enough right? I mean we’re all here and present right now! Wrong. Most of us are physically here, but living in the past or the future, instead of in the now. I was blown away by how true so much of what I was reading is, but also grateful that it is common and I am not alone in doing this. The book is setup in question and answer format. It’s amazing how many of my own questions, or versions of my questions, are asked and answered in a way that makes sense.
How he went about writing this book is that all of a sudden one day had this spiritual transformation and was living in the now. People would come up to him and say “I want what you have. Can you give it to me, or show me how to get it?” He’d say “You have it already. You just can’t feel it because your mind is making too much noise.” So this book is his attempt at showing us how to silence the noise and show us how to use what we all already have.
Much of this book is about being conscious and aware. I had started a meditation practice around the same time I started reading this book. They do go hand in hand. If you’re afraid of meditation or think you can’t do it, you can. Most of meditation is not even silencing the mind, it’s simply being present and accepting of what is happening in your mind. Then being able to redirect it if so desired. You can meditate for 5 minutes or 8 hours, it’s up to you, it’s your practice. I don’t meditate every day, at least not consciously, it’s something I do aspire to do and will. I try to go to my group meditation once per week, but life happens and sometimes I can’t make it. I can tell the difference when I don’t make it. That’s when you can tell that meditation is working. I still don’t feel like I’m doing it “right” but I accept that and continue to practice it anyways and I feel good when I do, so that works for me. It’s your practice so find what works for you. (If you want more information on meditation you can look at other posts under the meditation category)
So how do I become conscious you ask? By being present in the now. It’s that simple. This book explains in great detail of how to do that. “The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future- which of course, can only be experienced as the Now.” Let me explain that a little better. So anytime anything happens, it happens in the now. Anything that happenned in the past, did so in the now. Same goes for anything in the future, it will take place and happen in the now. By being present in the now you eliminate time as the only time is in the now, this allows you to be present and conscious, thus in the now.
Have you ever been stressed? We all have right? “Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’ or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside.” Doesn’t that make complete sense? I’m not saying you’ll never be stressed again, we’re human, but just by defining it in this way, don’t you feel better? I was relieved by so much of what I read as I know I can diminish these feelings simply by being more present. There have been so many times where I am “in my head” but yet fully functioning in every day life and even productive, although obviously not present. I felt anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, etc. There have also been times where I have been present, really present, and fully functioning in every day life, but felt happy and free, even joyful, because I was present, I was in the now. I never knew that was possible.
I have always been the person striving for the next thing. Whether it be the right job, car, aparment, friend, partner, handbag, etc the list goes on and on. Striving for something or someone to make me happy. Last year I had pretty much everything I wanted including many things on that list. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. That time was right before I started reading this book. I was not present, I was striving for happiness instead of being happy with what was right now. “Salvation is not elsewhere in place or time. It is here and now” I read that sentence now and it resonates so deeply, but at the time I had this notion that my happiness lied in someone or something, when really it lies within. Only took me 33 years to figure that one out, but hey better late than never.
So the main thing that I was striving for was love and a partner. I was in a relationship and extremely happy for a while, then our “new relationship” bubble burst and real life took over. “Intimate relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you” I’d say that sentence sums up the relationship of me and my ex as well as the purpose it served for my life perfectly. I have known I was unhappy and had deep rooted pain within me for as long as I can remember. I just always thought that the right person would magically fix that. I don’t think I’m alone on that crazy notion, but I also do not believe that anymore. We are not here to fix each other. The only person we can fix is ourself. It has taken me my entire life to fully believe this. My last relationship proved it better than I thought possible. I have not fixed myself, nor may I ever fully, but I have changed. Drastically, for the better. I am more myself than I ever have been and I have the pain and suffering I endured to thank for that.
“It seems that most people need to experience a great deal of suffering before they will relinquish resistance and accept- before they will forgive. In doing so suffering transmutes into inner peace” I can speak first hand that this is true. I suffered greatly and deeply for far too long because I resisted accepting what was in the now. I resisted that my ex was an addict, that he had moved on, that we would never be together again. I resisted that my dad was sick, that he had died even, and didn’t want to accept either because it hurt too much. All that I was resisting was the pain that it all made me feel. This pain serves a purpose. The only way to rid yourself of the pain is to move through it. To be fully present and let yourself really feel it. Only then can you heal the pain. This is extremely hard. For me it meant solitude for the most part. I holed myself up in my tiny apartment in Alameda and cried and screamed and felt, all of it. I am still feeling all of it, but I’m feeling it in the now. I witnessed how it all made me feel. I observed my reactions to it. I learned from it. My pain and suffering finally relinquished it’s control over me because I was conscious, I was present, in the now. This is still a struggle some days and I still have pain and will continue to, but by staying present and aware I do not have to suffer anymore.
I read this book over a year ago, and by read I mean I made it about 30% through. That was enough at the time. All that I read in that 30% of the book was what I could handle at the time, what I was willing to accept I needed to work on. We’re only able to accept what we are willing to receive. Someone could have handed my the answer to all my problems, but I wouldn’t have been able to solve any of them if I wasn’t ready to receive them. When I started rereading this book I was pleasantly surprised that I had done the work. So many of the things I reread I have been doing, and have started doing without having to think about doing them. I also read so many new things I still need to work on, but I am willing and able as I’ve seen the results and can attest to how much better my life is. How much happier I truly am. I am not happy because of anything or anyone, I am simply happy because of me. I choose to be happy and have found ways in order to simply be happy. You can do the same, if you’re ready. This book helped me and I wanted to share it as I believe it can help you too.
Mindfully Authentic 