So back when I was trying to figure out how to love myself I googled exactly that and stumbled upon Michelle D’Avella. She has a website called pushingbeauty.com (you should check it out) and on her website she has a free podcast series basically telling you how she learned to love herself among other things. She is the one that turned me onto “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle which led me to my retreat in Sedona, etc. Well in her podcasts she talks about breathwork and how instrumental it has been in her life as well as her just learning to be comfortable in her body and love herself. While I was in Sedona I did do a breathwork session and it was the session I most looked forward to. It turned out to be my least favorite session of my retreat.
Fast forward to now. Michelle is based out of LA but I follow her on instagram (@pushingbeauty). She’d posted that she was holding a workshop in Berkeley which included breathwork. I saw it and thought, that’d be really cool to do a session with her considering she is the person I first heard utter the words “breathwork” and describe how amazing it is. Well this workshop was an all day thing on a Sunday and cost $325 which I just really didn’t feel like spending, and to be honest at first, thought it was overpriced. So I wrote it off, that it wouldn’t be worth it and that I wouldn’t do it and ended up making other plans. Well those plans fell through and I kept seeing that she had a couple open spots left and the more and more I thought about it, the timing was really perfect. I found her before going to Sedona last year. I leave for another trip to Sedona this coming friday and intend to do a lot of spiritual growth again this year. What a great way to get ready for my trip again this year? I had worked a ton of call this last pay period and knew I could swing it even though it was more than I wanted to spend so I booked it without really thinking much about it, just knowing in my gut all the signs pointed to going.
So today was the day for the workshop. Along with breathwork we would go through the book “The Desire Map” by Danielle LaPorte. I had not heard of Danielle and knew nothing about the book or what we would do with it. Michelle had sent us an email to help us prepare for the workshop and simply said the book is included and theres no need to read it beforehand so that’s all I knew. The Desire Map is a guide to creating goals with soul. On the cover it says
“Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent clarity you can have
Generating those feelings is the most powerful thing you can do with your life“
The book is split up into a book and a workbook and in the workbook we would be writing down things that we are grateful for and why or how it benefits our life or increases my happiness, as well as things in my life that aren’t working and how those things have a negative effect in my life. The categories are: Livelihood & Lifestyle, Body & Wellness, Creativity & Learning, Relationships & Society, and Essence & Spirituality. So for body & wellness I wrote I was grateful for my health and that I am able to do so many things I love because I am healthy such as travel, be independent, attend live music among many other things. My weight and fitness level are things in my life that are not working for me right now as my clothes feel tight and make me feel uncomfortable at times which can lead to irritability, as well as the fact that I was a lot happier with my body and felt better when I was at a better fitness level. Luckily I can change those things! This is just a tool to dig deep in order to figure out my Core Desired Feelings. So through these exercises in the workbook along with a lot of guidance from Michelle, a breathwork session, group sessions, and individual time and reflection we end up with 3-5 core desired feelings (stay tuned).
In order to dig really deep and connect with what our bodies were feeling and vibrating, to not just know intellectually what words resonated with us, but were also felt, we ventured into our breathwork session. So breathwork is taking one breath in through your mouth from your belly then a breath from your heart and then exhale out through your mouth, no nasal breathing. This is semi-challenging for me as in yoga all the breathing is through your nose. So we do the breathing together for a little while until everyone has it down. Michelle explains the process and that she will guide us through the breathing and to keep pace with her, especially in the beginning. She also talks about the fact she’ll have us repeat some things, yell, and that a lot of things will be released so if we feel anything, to just go with it, even if we feel like bawling our eyes out and crying, that it is safe and actually allows everyone else to do the same if we don’t hold back at all.
I had a breathwork session in Sedona that I just never really felt completely comfortable. I was not nearly as open with things as I am now, especially things outside my comfort zone that would make me actually feel. I had trained myself not to feel long ago. It was comfortable not to feel, I couldn’t get close or risk losing someone if I didn’t really let myself feel. Well in Michelle’s breathwork session, I definitely felt. A LOT! I bawled my eyes out, I smiled so big that my cheeks hurt, I laughed uncontrollably. One of the most profound parts of the entire breathwork session was that I saw my dad. It was an outline and a blurry shadow type figure, but I felt him and am 100% sure he was with me. This reassured me that I was safe and was definitley when I had a huge smile on my face, so happy to just know he was with me. I also felt sensations. My fingers and hands were tingly and a little cramped, my mouth was tight which Michelle says is that you are maybe not able to speak your truth or that there may be a blockage in that area. I also had this feeling of weight on my shoulders just sort of forcing me to feel and be present with the entire process. I do remember having that weighted feeling during my session in Sedona. So after a while you just kind of float and experience a euphoric feeling. I saw beautiful sacred geometry of many different colors, a lot of triangles and rainbows. Others saw waterfalls and mountains. It just depends on where your mind takes you, but you just sort of relax into it and just coast for a while before Michelle guided us back to being present in our bodies.
After the session we had some alone time to sit with what we just experienced as well as journal. Things I wrote right after were: feelings: release, grief, sadness, joy, tingles, weight in chest and shoulders. There was a time during the session Michelle guided us to love and forgive and I felt some blockages, especially with forgiveness. This is an area I work on often and know I struggle with letting go and forgiving so I was not surprised at what I felt during the session. The session as a whole was kind of a blur even right after it happenned. You go through so much in what seems like a long time, but really is very quick. The whole session lasted about an hour, but it goes by much faster during. Some things she does during the session are play music, place essential oils on you to open your heart and throat chakras, reassures you that you’re doing great, and gently guides you to follow the breathing pattern and pace.
Overall it was a very powerful expeirence. Before we completed the breathwork session, Michelle stated some words that others had used as their Core Desired Feelings (CDF) and we were to listen them and see if we “felt” them anywhere in our bodies or felt an increase in vibration within ourself when we heard the word. There was one that stuck out for me and it was “free”. When she said “free” I just felt it and knew it had to be one of my core desired feelings. My others are Happy, Open, Present, and Connected. So it is my daily goal to feel these 5 things every single day. It is my priority to do things that make me feel them as this is at my core what I desire. I have the power to do that and I also have every intention to do so.
The Desire Map course is offerred out there, today I did phase I, but there is a phase II that dives deeper into the book. I did get a lot of use out of really taking the time to think hard as to what I really do desire in life. If there is a word that as soon as you hear it you think “HELL YES” I want that, then that is most likely something you desire. It was wonderful to have Michelle be there as a touchstone to make sure it wasn’t just an intellectual hell yes, but one with great feeling as well. I came away with a lot of clarity today. I’ve prayed for clarity many times as I feel so many things I’ve learned this year have been incredible, but also very confusing. To come away with clarity as well as a new feeling entirely around breathwork was worth every single penny of the money I didn’t want to spend.
If you’d like to learn more about breathwork Michelle does sell a guided session on her website for under $20 and she has some free podcasts that are great resources as well as a newsletter she sends out weekly with some great information. (Pushingbeauty.com)
It’s pretty incredible to come full circle. Having found her last year online, really at the beginning of my journey into finding myself and having followed her and her journey over this last year, then getting the chance to attend one of her workshops today as well as a breathwork session is a little surreal. I am very grateful that where I am at in life allows me to afford so many wonderful opportunities that I am lucky enough to experience. Michelle also wrote a book that I have been meaning to look into and ended up buying today, “The Bright Side of a Broken Heart” which is pretty relatable to me so I can’t wait to dive into that. She was nice enough to sign my copy today so I also have a keepsake to remember this day and workshop.
The takeaway is to push yourself, get outside your comfort zone, do things that are challenging, as the reward is so unbelievably worth it!
Mindfully Authentic 