I’ve read this book a couple of times, or at least have started it a couple of times. I definitely finished it this time however. One of the first quotes I highlighted talks about how Brene “searches for inspiration from the brave innovators and disruptors whose courage feels contagious” how she reads and watches everything by them or about them so that when she needs them, she can revisit the things they have taught her. I can relate to this so much as I feel like that is what I am currently doing. I have averaged about a book a week over the last month and it’s been incredible. This is the fastest I’ve ever read books, but not just breezed through them, but also soaked up so much of the knowledge within them.
Brene talks about belonging. She quotes Maya Angelou
“You are only free when you realize you belong no
place-you belong every place- no place at all”
She talks about her evolution of how she has interpreted this quote throughout her life. An evolution I can completely relate to. I never felt like I belonged to much of anything. I grew up in sports and was an important player on almost all of the teams I played on, but still something in me felt different than everyone, didn’t fully feel like I belonged. I’ve always felt different. That I interpret things differently, I feel things differently, I’m affected by things differently than others. I’ve felt really alone in that throughout my life. Usually too afraid to share that feeling with others, at least until now. Brene talks about how she longed to belong and the different hurtles she jumped over in trying to accomplish that, along with how she finally came to the realization that she does belong, she belongs to herself. Again, I can relate as I feel like I’ve had so many of the same feelings.
Belonging starts at home, usually with your family. If this feeling is foreign it can leave you wondering where, if anywhere, do you belong? Brene states “that not feeling like you belong has the power to break our heart, our spirit, and our sense of self-worth.” With this you
1. Live in constant pain and seek relief by numbing it/or inflicting it on others
2. You deny your pain, and your denial ensures that you pass it on to those around you and down to your children
3. You find the courage to own the pain and develop a level of empathy and compassion for your self and others that allows you to spot hurt in the world in a unique way
I’ve experienced each of these to many different degrees with many different groups and people throughout my life. My family never intended to make me feel like I don’t belong, if anything I resisted way more than I intended or needed to. It is no ones fault that I felt this way, but for some reason I did or do and simply facing the fear of acknowledging that has improved my life drastically.
The wonderful thing about this book is that Brene Brown is able to put what I’ve felt throughout my life and tell me stories of how she experienced things that made her feel the same. She’s not afraid to show me and that makes me feel less alone, simply by her telling her story. I just posted about the power within us all in simply being ourself and she does that brilliantly in her life! She also shows and describes how unnerving that is and how hard it is to be the odd one our and out standing alone in the “wilderness”. As well as how to “Brave that Wilderness”.
“You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself and talk about yourself and your work in a real way.” I have witnessed the truth to this first hand and it has encouraged me to keep going and push myself that much more. I started this blog because of the first book of Brene’s I read, “Daring Greatly” which talks about vulnerability and the power that lies in it. I always felt vulnerability was weakness, but I’ve learned that it is our greatest strength. That being real with ourselves and others has a tendency to lead to connection, which to me is what it’s all about. If you let yourself be real, it shows others its safe for them to be as well. Once the barriers to realness are broken down, we set each other free, we belong to ourselves, and feel safe to connect with others.
This blog has been an amazing teacher. Not only by putting myself, my deepest thoughts and feeling out there for the world to see, but to also open myself up more and in different ways. I feel the earlier things I wrote had way too many specifics and scenarios, rather than lessons and how I came to the conclusions. I don’t write nearly as often as I did which I’d like to change, but I also have been trying to figure out new ways to write. So much of my writing was tied to my ex, but he’s not a part of my life anymore. Now I just have to write about me, and my own experiences which has proven much more challenging. I can look back now and see I was still focused on fixing him or at least helping him, but I’ve finally let that go. I only need to focus on fixing myself and helping myself and then sharing that with others if they’re willing to listen. I need to brave my own wilderness!
I feel I have been braving my wilderness and I will continue to do so and share accordingly. I feel the life I am living now is one I learn something from each and every day. I am finally paying attention, present. Living the life that actually makes me happy, not living my life for others anymore. I’m no good to anyone if I’m not happy with myself.
I’d love to know in what ways you’re braving your wilderness? If you’re unsure than read this book and maybe it will shed some light in how to do so. It certainly did for me!
Mindfully Authentic 