Endings are always hard, but some are just so much harder than others. The hard part is letting go of the ideas and pictures you had in your head of how things would someday be. The harder you hold onto these things, the more pain you cause. This is my number 1 struggle when it comes to moving on. I know what my head thinks is right, but I have to really feel it. Then when I do really feel it I need time. It’s always a process.
Unfortunately my current process took about 5 months to the feeling of ending so I almost feel like I’m at the beginning. This is a mixture of so many feelings. Before getting to this point you couldn’t have told me we wouldn’t begin again. I now know that not to be true. For the person I started out being as well as the person he started out being in our beginning no longer exist. We evolved into very different people. People that just don’t work together as much as I wanted us to. Even writing this now it makes complete sense to my head, but yet my heart still aches. This one is going to take a bit to get over, get through, but I know I will.
This relationship and hurt has taught me more throughout this last year than maybe anything else in my life. It was the first time I experienced what it was like to have a true partner, although not always a reliable one. I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted, but now I really really do. That is such a gift. I learned what it is to love and accept myself. I learned to value myself and my worth, things I had little of prior to this relationship. I have no regrets. I’d do it all over again as hard as it’s all been. Relationships aren’t all rainbows and sunshine, but those good times are priceless.
So for all of you out there holding on to things to delay the pain, I am right there with you trying to let go of the grasp that is only preventing my happiness and joy. Let’s let it all go!
Mindfully Authentic 