Routine

So I’ve always been a routine girl.  I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday.  For years it was a fruity protein shake, nowadays it’s turkey bacon and a cinnamon raisin English muffin.  I’ve always been a coffee girl, but recently find myself enjoying tea.  I’m still a routine girl, but I feel myself changing it up in different ways, being open to new things.  As a nurse it’s hard to have a routine with the weird hours you work.  I never worked the same days every week or had the same schedule, I was required to work holidays and weekends, and my hours varied from time to time.  My hired hours were day shift 7am-7:30pm, but sometimes they needed me to stay until 11:30pm or come in at 3am.  This was not mandatory of course, but it did result in double time which is really hard to pass up when you’re hustling for every shift you get.  I worked per diem so was not guaranteed hours.  This meant I needed to work when work was offered, especially doubletime!

With this inconsistent and hard to predict schedule, it made routine hard.  I’d have a usual routine on my days off, but it greatly depended on my energy level.  12-16 hour days can vary in how much energy you use.  Some of those days were simply long and boring, but others I could’ve been on my feet the majority of the time so it made it difficult to want to work out the next day.  With working those hours I needed some recovery time.  This usually consists of tv and coffee or listening to music while lounging and looking at my phone.  These things were necessary.

So nowadays I’m working 8 hour shifts 4 days a week as well as taking on call shifts.  This has greatly improved my ability for routine. I am able to make it to my Monday group meditations as well as my weekly guitar lesson.  I’ve developed the habit of taking an early yoga class on Saturdays, usually followed up by acupuncture.  I’ve also luckily been able to book a massage at the holistic institute on several sundays.  These are all things that help keep me stable.  Consistency is still my struggle.  For example, I was tired this morning and decided I didn’t want to go to yoga, but stay home and write this blog.  I am trying not to beat myself up for missing it.  I have a hard time with balance.  I have plans to go to a concert later and I know there is a pre party beforehand.  This means drinking.  When I go out for a night like this, I don’t plan on drinking heavily, but I do prepare for it.  If I’m prepared and feel like having one too many drinks I can handle the repercussions the next day, but if I go in lying to myself saying I’m not going to drink that much and I don’t prepare, the repercussions the next day can be dreadful.  With the friends I’m going with tonight, I’m sure I’ll drink more than I anticipate.  My point is, why do yoga this morning if I’m just going to go against all of what yoga teaches tonight? This is where I need to change and it’s easier said than done.  My all or nothing mentality can bite me in the ass sometimes.

How do I develop a balanced routine?  A routine that allows for me to have fun with my friends, but not taking away from my important self care.  This is one of my biggest struggles and it’s something I’ve been trying to figure out for YEARS!  I’ve gone out and just had a few drinks.  I’ve gone out and not drank at all.  I’ve gone out and been the drunkest one there.  None of them really feel all that great.  I don’t want to stay in by myself every night and seclude myself from fun altogether.  I guess I need to redefine what fun is to me.  Being hungover, tired, and regretful of those last couple drinks isn’t fun, so why do it?  Our culture is so focused on drinking and drugs, numbing reality.  My ultimate goal is to be mindful and authentic to that reality.  Sometimes we just need a break though, and that’s ok.  Instead of beating myself up for it, I just need to embrace it as part of it all.  I need to set realistic goals and reach them to know what that feels like which will continue to drive me.

Routine is a funny thing.  A thing we can get stuck in sometimes.  Sometimes exactly what we need is to shake things up from that routine, only you can know how much shaking you need.